When you are feeling sick and cold ridden and you are sitting at work feeling absolutely bored and miserable AND you decide to use the company Internet connection to blog it’s not surprising that the post was quite cynical.
I am feeling a little better this week so I’m still here (using the company Internet)!
That doesn’t mean that not spending time with the kids is any easier. It’s not, it’s damn hard and it’s the one thing that I am still having problems reconciling in my life.
This weekend was Emily’s 8th birthday. She’s getting so big and so mature and I just love her so much. Jamie too is getting more settled as he gets older. He’s still incredibly naughty at times but at the same time he is extremely compassionate and very affectionate.
After leaving my mothers house on Sunday, James started to get upset about a lolly that he had missed out on. The lollies were all gone and we were starting to risk being late back to meet his mother so I didn’t need the screaming that he started up with once we got in the car.
It’s funny that, no matter how much I love him, no one frustrates me more than he does. He is my achilles heel and my temper sometimes gets very short with him and I end up yelling.
I ended up stopping the car and talking to him and we both calmed down.
He gave me a big hug before he left with Amanda and told me how much he loves me but I end up feeling empty and left behind when they are gone, especially after arguing like we had done earlier.
They are with me for such a short time that I just want the time that they are with me to be perfect. Of course, it can’t always be that way but I end up feeling pretty bad about it afterwards. It’s hard to deal with.
I need to find a way to spend more time with them and balance my work life as well. This is going to be my next challenge.